Happy Meh Year

A new year is upon us. Big deal. (This post will be a little scattered; bear with me.)

Last night, as midnight approached, just one thought ran through my head: " I will not cry, I will not cry, I will not cry." Moments like midnight, when everyone is kissing, and hugging, are when I miss him most. I miss him all day long, everyday, like a dull ache in my chest, but those moments feel like a hot poker pressed on me. It sucks, it fucking sucks, and there isn't no other way around it. Sigh. 364 days to find a date for next New Year's.

Last week, I was in Houston, for a college football Bowl game featuring my alma mater, Rutgers University. I had a great time in Houston, hanging out with friends, getting to eat the local cuisine, and cheering my team to victory. The three days were over way too fast, but you know what they say about time flying when you're having fun, and all that jazz. Now, I have a trip to New Orleans to look forward to in April.

I was just watching "Prince of Egypt" (yes, I will watch any lame ass movie that comes on my tv), and a line in it spoke to me: "they can take everything away from us, except faith." I may have "lost everything", but I'll be damned if I lose my faith: faith in that life will get better (even if the changes are too small to see), faith that I will love again, faith that someone will love me again, faith that I am not destined to die old and alone, with my 6 (hypothetical - I don't have them yet) cats.

Faith. It's all I have right now. But maybe it's all I need.