Monday, April 02, 2007

Dammit. I've been avoiding this.

Several weeks ago, Baby Girl and I, while in Florida, went to Disney World. Wow, that was fucking depressing. Everywhere I turned, there were happy little families, parental units intact. How do I explain to Baby Girl that we're different? That there's no daddy in our little unit? It hurt so much seeing all these shiny, happy people snapping their pictures and knowing that I should have that also, that I would have had it, if only a fucking valve had worked appropriately on that day.

However, as hard as that was, I at least was free of (mostly all) the ghosts. We had been to Florida together once, when we were newly engaged, but the Florida of those days is very different than the one I just visited. Back then, we slept all morning, and spent the day hanging out till it was time to the hit the clubs. Now, running after Baby Girl took up most of my waking hours. Between that, we managed to go to Sea World, and catch a few ball games. But at least my mind was calm for those few hours.

My mind wasn't calm, though, at Baby Girl's 2nd bday party. First of all, doing mostly everything myself is a drag. There were so many errands I could have used him for. But beyond that, I really could have used him in the pictures, chasing after her, entertaining our guests, serving as the buffer between his family and myself, and basically basking in the glow of his daughter's 2nd bday party, like I know he would have.


cinnamon girl said...

I think about you a lot, and just read a book you might want to check out. "P.S. I Love You" by Cecelia Ahern.

Hope BabyGirl's party was still fun. Keep up the good mom work. I'm sure it can't be easy.

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