Thursday, November 09, 2006

God DAMMIT



So. I got my bar results. You can guess what they are from my title. I'm just so bitterly disappointed, even though I have no one more to blame than myself. Now I have to take the stupid exam, AGAIN, in February. I can't believe this.

I just got off the phone with my friend, and she told me not to be so hard on myself, because of everything I've been through since Pablo's death. I know it may be true, but I hate it. I don't want to use that as an excuse! I hate that his death continues to have effect on me (stupid as that may sound). I hate the fact that it will continue to affect me for the rest of my life.

I just want to be able to pass the stupid exam. Actually, what I want is to be with him. If he were here, I wouldn't care that I had to take it twice a year, for the rest of my life.

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