4 years ago, my world was rocked.
I was on the cusp of the rest of my life: recently graduated from law school, happy in my clerkship, pregnant with our first child, and happy with Him. In a little over two months, we were going to be parents! We were happily chugging along in our life together.
Then, a little after noon on 1/25/05, I got the phone call that changed my life, and me, forever. There'd been an accident. That's all I was told. My sister rushed to pick me up. I knew He was dead when I saw the looks my uncles gave me when I got home. My dad sat me down and confirmed what I already knew. I still, to this day, can't imagine what it feels like to look your little girl in the eye and say the words that you know will break her heart.
It's funny - I remember the stupidest details from that day. I was chatting about Beyonce on the Fametracker forums when my sister called me. I was wearing a blue fair isle sweater (that I never wore again). I didn't eat again for two days, when I was finally forced to by my mother. I remember so clearly getting to the hospital, having the officer tell me "He didn't make it" (I naively held out hope, hoping, wishing, praying that they'd gotten it wrong, that He was ok).
Instead, I was widowed. At 26. And 7 months pregnant. We didn't even know what we were having, since we wanted to keep it a surprise.
However, life goes on, and I am amazed at how far I've come. I never thought I'd be happy again, and I am. It's a new chapter - hell, sometimes I think it's a whole new book. And I never thought this little girl, this amazing, wonderful little girl would ever captivate me this way. I am so lucky to be her mom.
Pablo, this one's for you.