Sunday, July 08, 2007

Most people think that sadness is the one feeling that people deal with the most in the the aftermath of the loss of a loved one.

Little do they know that anger is a constant companion on the road back to recovery. Learning to deal with that anger has been one of my most frustrating struggles. Some of that anger can be understandable. For example, it might seem silly to some to be angry at God. After all, what exactly is God? What purpose does getting angry at some amorphous "thing" serve? I do believe in God, and it's a good thing I do, because He gets the brunt of my anger. I think he can handle it. He's big enough to handle one puny person's rage.

It's amazing the list of things that can anger me now. On the one hand, sometimes I'm more easily frustrated by some insignificant thing, and on the other hand, sometimes things that would have quickly set me off before now don't faze me. I don't even understand it most days. Nor do I try to.

I try to just deal with it most days. Of course, every once in a while, it's going to get out of hand. But it's not really fair for me to take out my silly anger on someone else. It's on me to deal with it and not force it on someone else. It's no one else's responsibility but mine.

One of the things I miss the most is having that partner-in-crime to talk things over with. He was the one person who always knew how to handle me best.


The Merry Widow said...

Ah, another merry widow. I lost my husband to cancer in Nov. of 2002, we were short by 5 weeks of our 15th wedding anniversary.
I was left with a 12 yr. old Daddy's girl and a not quite 14 yr. old son, after working through the anger(and yes, G*D is very patient and understanding)on all of our parts, we have achieved a 'new' normal.
Having a child is bittersweet, all the things that Daddy will miss, and yet you have a little bit of him to carry into the future, AND you have a reason to get up in the morning and carry on! That is an advantage.
G*D bless you and your little one!


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