Thursday, May 10, 2007

I would like just one break, one stinking little break, God, to indicate that my life is somewhat close to getting back on track.

Fuck normal, I don't need normal. I'm so far gone from normal that I don't remember what it was like. I just want to know that my life is headed in the right direction, that I am doing something with myself other than merely existing.

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That's what born out of the many moments of frustration I have. They come and go, and the best I can do is ride the wave and hope not to get pulled below. There were things I expected to have, stations I expected to be at this point in my life. I just feel as if I'm stuck, as if someone has paused my life. When do I get to live? When do I get to dream for the starter home, the significant other, the shared joy of parenting? I know these things will come at their own time, but dammit, I just want to know when.

1 comment:

kshoe said...

Arrived via deadspin - I've been approved to comment but still too scared to walk into that lion's den without having published first...anyway, wanted to tell you that I loved your wedding pics and I'm so glad you shared them.
My husband's mother died 2 days before we met and I have pictures of her everywhere because no one in his family ever talks about her - I feel left out and ask Mr. Shoe to tell me stories about her. His face lights up and I think he loves telling them as much as I love hearing them.
Maybe weird, I know, but I wanted to encourage you that you are being heard, your story is being read and you are admired by people who don't even know you. That can be the good part of a world-wide community.