Monday, September 18, 2006

Back in NJ



After a very nice weekend in Pittsburgh, I'm back in New Jersey. I had such a great time. I will provide a link to some of the pics I took as soon as I upload them to photobucket.

The only downside to my weekend was the intense desire to have Pablo share it with me. In 2004, we had made plans to take a mini-tour of several stadiums: Cleveland, Cincinnati, Pittsburgh, and Baltimore. We only made it to Baltimore that year. I have wonderful memories of that weekend spent in Maryland, but I wish he was here, to join me as I explore more ballparks.

When do you stop feeling that pull in your stomach at the fact that he will never again join you in the awe of seeing a new ballpark for the first time? When do you stop feeling the sadness in your heart at seeing all the other couples and families out at the ballpark, knowing that that should have been you? When do you stop feeling the bitterness rise in your throat at the sight of all the dads with their kids, either cuddling the babies or explaining the game to the older kids?

I don't know. And that scares me. A lot more than I'm willing to admit.

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

i think its safe to say that those feelings may never completely go away. and its ok to feel sorrow, sadness, bitterness and anger. and its ok not to know... if we had all the answers to everything it wouldnt be called life.


oh and btw, photobucket is so 2002 LOL
get a flickr account :)
http://flickr.com/

Jenny said...

can we get a new post?

Anonymous said...

i agree with lei.....the feeling wont go away but in the bright side of things i hope u notice all the family and love that is around u to help u in ur time of need and how everyone loves ur daughter sammmy....pablo may be gone but he left a part of him behind!!!!!!!!love her care for her thats all we have!!!!ps ..when sammy is a pain in the ass, thats pablo..lol...love

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