Weddings and Funerals:

Tomorrow, I'll be going to my first wedding since Pablo's death, and I have been dreading this for months.

It's my cousin's wedding, and I had been secretly hoping for a minor injury (to my hand or foot) so I wouldn't have to go. Don't worry, I wasn't throwing myself down stairs or anything, but I wouldn't have been heartbroken if I oculdn't have been able to go.

Why am I so scared to go? I really don't feel like re-living all the memories of my own wedding day in that same church a little over three years ago. The same church where Pablo's funeral was held 19 months ago. Sure, I go to mass there every Sunday. But there're no wedding ceremonies during Sunday mass. I'm sure it'll be a bittersweet experience. I'm very happy for my cousin, because even though she and her husband have been married since 1999, they will have their marriage blessed by the Church. But it's still hard to re-live the same ceremony that I had, but all alone.

And then, of course, comes the reception. Oh, joy. I have to get all dressed up for absolutely nobody. Don't get me wrong, I take pride in my appearance, but I did enjoy his compliments when I took care to look my best. Also, I really don't feel my prettiest right now. I know I have to lose weight. And I'm not looking forward to the comments tomorrow about my weight gain.

Sigh. I just hope to survive tomorrow, without too many tears.