As I lay here in bed, wondering why I can't go to sleep, it hits me - today would've been our fourth wedding anniversary.
Four years ago today, a 24-year-old me was rushing around, ecstatic that her wedding day had finally come. After seven years, she was finally going to be joined to the man she loved. Little did she know that fate had such a cruel twist in store for her.
I both pity and envy the Wanda of 2003. She didn't have a clue of what was to come, but she was also blissfully ignorant of it. I'm saddled with the grief, with the torment that comes from being widowed. At 26. After 18 months of marriage. While pregnant. I sometimes marvel that I've made it to 30 months.
I worry sometimes about myself, though. It's been 30 months; how come I haven't been able to watch our wedding video? Or get rid of his stuff? It's sitting in a garage for now, but why am I really holding onto it? Laziness? Perhaps a bit of that. But can it be something more?
Happy anniversary to me, I guess.
5 comments:
I have just been able to look at old pictures of all of us, or wedding photos or videos. Give yourself time! Loss of a spouse is THE number one stressor in life, healing a wound of that size takes time, care and 'physical therapy'. My late used to say about marriage; "It's like glueing 2 pieces of wood together, when you try to take them apart, IT DOESN'T BREAK AT THE POINT OF JOINING, it breaks of elsewhere on BOTH pieces!"
Just put the videos aside, a day will come where you will be able to watch, you will want to watch to remember the joy. And don't be in too much of a hurry to get rid of stuff, I still have things after 5 years!
tmw
My Dad died when I was 8 months old and my Mom had to raise 4 kids by herself while she tried to run a ranch and keep the bank from foreclosing. Now, 27 years later, my Mom is the closest thing to a hero that I've ever met in my life.
You remind me of my Mom...
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