Blech. I hate when I have so many thoughts bouncing around my head and I just can't seem to draw them out. That frustrates me so much!
A few days ago, the whole family got together for pre-Memorial Day bbq. I love and loathe these get-togethers. I love that we're all together, hanging out, watching the kids have a good time. I love dressing Baby Girl up and showing off her latest outfit, letting the kids play on her newest toys, and just basking in that glow of parenthood.
However, I loathe the feelings that these get-togethers stir within me. Pablo and I went to so many of these things, that it's difficult not to imagine him strolling through the back yard, with jokes for the adults and hugs for the kids. It's also hard to see everyone carry on about their lives and know that I have to start my life over from scratch. If you'd asked me 5 years ago where I'd be five years from now, I definitely would've answered that I would've seen myself happily married, living in a starter home, with a baby on my hip. In baseball 1-3 is good. In life, not so much.
"Just keep swimming, just keep swimming" has easily become my motto. Yes, I watch too much Disney. But sometimes, you need a little bit of that magic in your life.
4 comments:
Found your blog via Ladies.... good stuff. I'm sure you get about a thousand of these, but here we go. I lost my fiancee in an unfortunate way two years ago this August. There isn't a hour goes by that I don't think about her and not a night goes by that I don't dream about her. It will always hurt, but moving on helps. Anyways, I was watching 'Cast Away' a few years ago and this line caught me....and began to help me. Maybe it will help you, or someone else who reads this:
"And I know what I have to do now. I gotta keep breathing. Because tomorrow the sun will rise. Who knows what the tide could bring?"
Take care
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